I have moved around far too much in life. But that is the life I have chosen I guess. I first discovered when I lived in Canada that you don't make friends quickly. I have so many friends back in Australia (at least I hope they are still my friends, some of them I never hear from anymore), that I never realised what it is like to have no friends at all.
Count the number of people you have in your immediate network within your geographical location. You will probably get up to 30 people, including family that you can call on in life, whether it is for social reasons or some other form of help. When I moved to Canada I had my girlfriend Melody and no other friends. Very quickly Melody's family were there to support me and so my support network increased to 5 or 6 people. But that is still so few compared to 30 or more in a regular network, where people have settled into their patterns of life.
Over the time I lived in Canada I did begin to make friends, through work and church and cricket. One thing I discovered is, that it takes at least a year to establish a friendship (if you want to have any depth) and then you can begin to build something more serious. Another thing I discovered upon returning to Australia, is that when you vacate a network, people shuffle around and the space you once filled becomes filled by other people. This means that it takes at least 6 months to integrate back into a network of people that you have known for years.
The game of fitting into a network of people takes even longer in a country where there is a different language. After nearly a year and half, my Russian language is starting to fall into place now. I still don't understand everything people say to me, but I am understanding more and more even without having to concentrate so hard. This is always better in a one to one scenario, than say listening to a public speaker.
We lived in Novosibirsk for a year and four months (some of our time was away from there.) In that time my network grew to include 1 real friend who is a native Russian speaker; about 10 acquaintances who were Russian speakers and could have still developed into friendships; 4 friends who were native English speakers and a further 15 or so acquaintances; plus my dear wife Melody and child. The network was not as established as the one I had in Canada. It was starting to get there though. Of course I have family in both Australia and Canada and they can never be replaced in any network.
Moving to Krasnoyarsk means starting again in many ways. There are some acquaintances I know at the Vineyard church and we have made time to meet with two different couples this week. So that is definitely a head start on not knowing anyone at all. We have joined a team here. We still need to get to know them on a deeper level, but we share so much in the area of common vision. I can say that I do have one real friend here, who is Russian and used to live in Australia, so that is a nice bonus. The network has potential, but is still very flimsy and will need time to grow.
I am sad though to have left behind my friend Aidys, the Tuvan, in Novosibirsk. Missing him, shows me how much we really did become friends. I have no indigenous friends here and would love the opportunity to make some. I don't have any idea where to start. Please remember this request of mine as you talk with our Father.
2 comments:
My dear mother used to say" To have a friend you need to be a friend." So look for someone to do something nice for, something you would like a friend to do for you.
I will ask my helper to provide a real quick strong friend that has a heart for what your heart is.Let your love shine through and give of your blessings, and see what He will provide for you all.Please leave your burdens with reguard to all at home in His love and care too. He is strong and wise and very very capable.
Oh, dear brother I feel for you. I was having this discussion with a friend on Sunday and talking about how so many near and dear to me have moved away from here. I wondered if it was a way for me to get used to getting much of what I need from long distance relationships?
They are harder to maintain in many ways. In other ways they can be better. sometimes I speak to my long distance friends more often than the ones who live a few kilometres away, and we have family near by that we almost never see! (as you know). The accountability is a bit scratchier though, and I need to work at keeping up to date with people like you.
It's the day to day things that you need to share regularly with someone, even one close friend. And it helps if it's someone close by with shared experiences.
Your desires are not unheeded, be sure of that. As we were talking about earlier, He is not just a provider, but a Dad. You only have to mention it and He'll give you much more than you could even imagine...
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