All I ever dreamed for

Here we stand on the brink of our departure back to Siberia. So much of my life as a single, then our lives together have been invested towards bringing the gospel to Siberian people groups. It was when I was 15 that the Lord first put this spark in my life and it has continued to grow. There was a time around 19-20 when it became an idol in my life and the Lord took the dream away for a season. When he gave it back to me it was for real and I became thoroughly excited that he would call my life and allow me to serve him.
I remember a point at the age of 21 when on a short term trip to South Africa things felt desperate and hopeless. I felt I had nothing to offer God and that it was all pretty pointless. But I reapplied for the job, so to speak and offered the Lord an empty blank page as a resume and asked him if he would take me. Since that point every decision I have made as an adult has been toward serving in Siberia.
There was of course a danger in my thinking. I would spend so much of my life with my thoughts in the future. The Lord had to constantly yank me back in to the present, where we could have genuine relationship. At the age of 19 the Lord had said to me "you say you want to be used by me, but do you want to know me?" I am now convinced that the Lord slowed me down so that relationship with him became a thousand times more important than the idea of serving him in Siberia.

Recently I reflected on some of these developments earlier in my life. The Lord has done much in me to get me to live in the present. How big a shame it would be if at this point of arriving at so much of what I have dreamed for in life, I was still living my life stuck in thoughts of the future. So I have reached the point of realising that life is here and now.

I was reminded of this in a tangible way just recently. As we have been preparing to get back to Russia there has been some spiritual opposition trying to prevent us from moving forward. Earlier last week things got very rocky for a bit. On Tuesday things came flying against us. A doctor at the clinic in the morning was being very difficult and wanted to deny us medical clearance. A suggestion was made by some one that we delay our departure for two months for different reasons. We however knew that this is not the Lord's will. As we were driving from one doctor's clinic to another, we were sitting at the lights next to a truck in a construction zone. A bulldozer was being loaded on to this truck. Both Melody and I had a strange thought at the same moment "that bulldozer is going to fall off that truck and could land on top of us." The next moment that bulldozer did fall off the truck, but on to the footpath side instead. If it had fallen on our side it would have crushed our whole family in a moment. Instantly I knew that the Lord had protected us. We drove a little further down the road and pulled in to the car park of the doctor's clinic. We sat and prayed as a family and thanked the Lord for his protection. Instantly I knew also that the devil had tried to take us out. He would love to stop us from going back to Siberia. There is so much to do there, but the devil is afraid that if people know Jesus that his time of punishment will come. This is true spiritual warfare. You are needed as prayer warriors to bind spirits who would choose to attack God's work and even our family if they could.

I found myself traumatised when I realised what could have happened to us. I broke down in tears. But then I stopped and prayed because I realised that this had been a spiritual attack. I would not give in to fear or trauma. These too were weapons of darkness. So I rebuked those spirits and lies and rejoiced in the victory and protection of the Lord.

After leaving the doctor's clinic I put on some music by Steven Curtis Chapman on the ipod. The Lord started speaking to me through each and every word in this song as the tears streamed down my face:

It's time for letting go
All of our "if onlies", cos we don't have a time machine
And even if we did, would we really want to use it
Would we really wanta go change everything

Cos we are who and where and what we are to now
Cos this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out, listen to your heart beat
There's a wonder in the here and now, it's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There's only one who knows
What's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know, is he's out there waiting
To him the future's history
He has given us a treasure called "right now"

I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment
And if it brings you tears, then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back and let it go, let it go
You gotta let it go

Listen to your heart beat

Life became so much more precious. I have been saved from so much sin and death. Right now is a miracle, the miracle of relationship with God, the miracle of being blessed to serve him. I have a wonderful wife and two wonderful kids. The Lord is letting us go back to Siberia to serve him there.

This is what I have been dreaming for all my life.