This is our third day in Saskatchewan. The first couple days have been special in that we have spent time with family and had some big hugs. When I set eyes on the green lawn in Borden at Melody's parents, I immediately dropped my bags and lay down in it. Such grass rarely exists in Russia, and it is completely culturally unacceptable to lie down on the ground.
Times with family have been special. But the reality of being away from Russia is starting to hit me now. It is wonderful to see people, but there is certainly a big gap in understanding or even interest between my way of life and the Canadian way of life.
The only question I have received from people is, "Is it good to be back?" I have found this question almost impossible to answer. To give people the benefit of the doubt, their question is good intentioned, but it still makes me feel awkward. To try to answer the question, yes it's good to see the people we love, yes it's wonderful to enjoy neat and tidy gardens, yes it's wonderful to buy really, really cheap clothes, but no it is not fun to not have people ask me, "tell me something about your life in Russia", no it is not fun to just have chats about home renovations, and no it is not fun to imagine that perhaps people think that we are "back" now and that is the end of our life in Russia. That may not be the intention of everyone who asks the question, but it is surely the case when some people ask it.
So forgive me if my words come across harshly to you. I am interested in your life in the west. I do love you, and I do know that you love having us close at home, whether that is in Australia or Canada. But I have to find a way to balance the two lives I have now. I have a huge part of my desire across the ocean in the depths of the sleeping land. We have only begun our long quest there and it is really hard to simply walk away from it. If it is possible, I hope you can understand my desire to talk about my life over there too, just as much as you desire to talk about your life at home.
I am really exhausted at the moment after a couple of really tough months. I would prefer to just rest for a few more days. But, we are off to a family camp today at Okema, by Emma Lake, north of Prince Albert. It's a really special place to Melody as she went there every Summer as a kid. Okema is one of the things she has missed when she has been away from Canada. Her mom is running the family camp for the next five days. There will be 90 people there. Frankly, I am going to feel overwhelmed by 90 people, when I just feel like resting. I am a bit apprehensive about being thrust into work so soon. I am sure that it will be enjoyable to a point, but I just need some down time.
Anyway, just sharing my heart. I look forward to seeing you soon!
4 comments:
Something I've learned from living cross-culturally in whatever variation is that pretty much nobody is really interested in your other life. I've lived in England for nine years and NOBODY asks me anything about Australia EVER. (Nobody ever asks about Russia either). That's why I love going home to Oz (or having family visit here) because suddenly everybody knows the depth of you anyway - all the stuff that happened to you, the places you lived, the people you knew, everything. It's fantastic. But here, I'm like an orphan.
So that's how you'll feel I reckon, in Canada and in Australia, because nobody will REALLY ask you about Russia. Perhaps you will be fortunate in finding someone who is interested, but maybe you won't. I think better not to expect it and rather be happy and surprised if it were to happen rather than being disappointed.
Something I did when I first came here from Russia was write. Pages and pages of memories and thoughts and impressions and descriptions of Russia, I felt the urge to keep going over everything that had happened, remembering things that had mattered so much. Now those things seem to matter less, but the notebooks have kept all that initial passion and emotion and raw vividness.
Enjoy the camp - it's summer, it's a special place for Melody, Abigail will love it. Take a good book and read as much as you can. Good luck!
We are on home assignment in Oz at the moment and I can relate to what you are feeling. We will pray that your time in Canada is a blessing for you, your family and all you meet. We have been enormously encouraged and humbled by the folk we have meet in Oz. That they are following what we are doing and praying for us is amazing.
Thanks for your honesty. It's hard to have a few different places that are supposed to be home. We have no real home on this earth. Heaven is our home. Sometimes I find that painful but its also freeing.
much love to the family and hope to see you guys at the PI conference next year.
The Blumer Family, Vienna, Austria
I think Sue-Ann is right. It is a common experience of just about everyone who has lived anywhere else that I have spoken to. My self included. Even when I have only been away for short periods and I feel like I have experienced so much, noone is really interested. Unfortunately, I'd go a step further to say that it is endemic that people just don't really care much about anyone's lives other than their own. This is the way of human nature and it is sad. It just goes to remind us that we should genuinely be interested in each other and actually listen to each others' lives. The potential for what we could learn is endless.
Speaking as one of the formerly (I hope) gullible but well-intentioned, sometimes the idea in our heads is that the traveller gets asked questions about the other land often, or they are busy being where they are at the moment.
Your heart is where I think God placed it. The Blummers are right about home, cultures, civilizations and nations all end, as C.S. Lewis says, but each person remains an immortal soul. That said, it was so awesome to see those two Ket men in the Kellog church. Important guys those. They are a foundation and don't underestimate God's excellent process - the two of them are evidence for the future and role models to all those kids.
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