Letting it all hang out

I'm not exactly sure how many people read my blog. Sometimes I feel inclined to not say everything that is on my mind. Sometimes I feel that if I say something too harsh about my life here in Russia that someone back home will be tired of hearing negative comments. "C'mon, buckle down, get into it, grin and bear it." Etcetera, etcetera. Perhaps you don't think that way, perhaps you have been reading my blog for a year now and have never felt it bad when I have just called things as I see them, the good, the bad and the ugly. If that is you, thank you friend, and keep reading. If not, then perhaps you should just skip this post and head over to Abigail's spot where everything is nice and manicured.

Don't get me wrong, my life here is very rewarding. There is something very rewarding about learning to speak another language and beginning to understand another culture. There is something very rewarding about making new friends in a new country. It is very rewarding to know that we are influencing young people to take the right path in life and follow the true king.

There are times when I enjoy my life here and there are times when it is quite difficult. Make no mistakes, I am here because I want to be, but that doesn't always mean it should just be easy and that I should not complain when it is hard. I guess I just want people to know how I feel when things suck, so that I have been able to communicate it and have some sympathy. If you don't think I should be here anyway (perhaps a very small percentage of my readers), then don't bother reading any further either.

After living here for a year, my biggest disappointment is that we do not have a lot of friends. Here in Novosibirsk I have about 10 Russian acquaintances, but I would only count one of them as a "friend." I have other friends who are expats (very easy to make expat friends, as we are in the same boat), but that is not enough for trying to get deep into the culture. It is a disappointment of mine that we have not been able to get more involved in "ministry" (a very cliched term). I guess I just mean, getting involved in formal organised activities. Let's face it, these are the best places to actually make friends, in a place of constant contact. But it is often very difficult breaking into such groups when you don't have a friend to introduce you. Still, I will plug away. When the new academic year starts in September I hope to enrol in some sort of a class, as I now have university entrance level Russian, while continuing my one one one tutelage at the private language school.

I find it particularly hard at our Sunday gathering. The leader is Korean and speaks Russian with a heavy accent. He understands Russian perfectly as he has lived here many years, but his pronunciation is very difficult to understand. He has a particularly authoritarian way of running things and wants to hold meetings almost every evening. I gave up going to these some time ago, as they were very unproductive and a little self focused. Our biggest reason for continuing at that location is the opportunity to make Tuvan friends and speak into their lives on a one on one basis. There are actually very few native Russians at our gathering. Though the Tuvans do speak Russian fluently, they tend to mumble often and are very quiet, so it takes a lot of effort when you are a language learner.

My mind is settling on the concept that house gatherings are the way to go in the future. The overall state of things in the ch in Russia is so sick, that I really don't want to perpetuate very unhealthy denominations. It is far better for indigenous peoples to start their own movement without getting sucked into the mess that has been created here over the last 100 years.

I would like to turn my attention once again to the Russian way of life. This is where it gets quite ugly. Once again, if you don't like reading negative things, then please sign off for now. I have my theories about why Russian culture is they way it is, and I think I may be at least partially right. I was talking with a young girl (early 20s I guess) the other day, who is not yet a believer. I told her of my theory that Russia is an abused nation; how the Mongol Tartars wreaked so much havoc and violent abuse on Russia for 200 years. Following this violent abuse, the only successful leaders were also tyrants as this is all the Russian people then knew and understood. Ivan the Terrible was actually the first Tsar to bring the land of Russia together as a nation after the Mongols. He was the first successful ruler, and he was an abuser. This continued the cycle of abuse that Russians knew. Even Peter the Great, seen by many as a good man, led many to their deaths in his forced construction of his self glorifying St Petersburg. And I don't need to go into the atrocities carried out by Stalin (a man who killed many more than Hitler). Russia is an abused nation, and like an abused child it needs healing, or this will continue for generations to come. This young girl responded, "you just might be right." A waterfall starts with just one drop.

As Russia is an abused nation, the people are quite often abusive. There are far more drunks on the street than you could ever imagine. Their lives a mess for all to see, and for none to care about. People on the whole are very selfish. My personal theory is that this is perpetuated by the fact that many have grown up as only children. Mothers dote on their sons; a likely hangover from the fact that millions of sons died in world war 2, so the few sons were given special privileges after that, which has created another cycle of selfishness.

I do comment to myself from time to time that I meet a particularly nice and caring Russian. I have thought about how much these people contrast with the average Russian. At first it seemed strange to me that some people could be so nice compared to others who can be so nasty. I have come to the conclusion that there are some Russians who are orthodox believers, who undoubtedly have the Holy Spirit dwelling within, and the difference is evident in their lives. I only hope my life can be evidence of God's love as are these remarkable Russian heroes. They do have a much better understanding of how this society works (or doesn't work quite often), and this may make it slightly easier for them.

I have been holding back on some of the bad things that happen here, as I haven't wanted to scare people. But I just can't hold them back any longer or I will be living a lie, and I have to be honest about how I live my life. As I have said, people here are abused and selfish. Hmmm, where should I start. I don't know, but it can really get on your nerves getting physically elbowed by people in public on a regular basis. This isn't because they don't have room to walk around either. It has happened when there are 2 metres clear on either side. It can really get on your nerves when people push in front of you in line. It can really get on your nerves when shopkeepers or postal workers etc yell at you. You begin to learn that with out getting pushy yourself, you won't get heard.

Back in winter time we were crossing the road at the lights. A car pulled out diagonally from the waiting traffic and cut us off as we crossed on our green light. He stopped right in front of us. We tried to walk around the front and then he drove forward to stop us. A second time we walked forward and a second time he drove forward. Of course I was quite mad that he would do this to a family with a baby in tow. So we walked around the back and he started to drive off. In my frustration (and I can tell you, over time the cultural frustration just builds up) I slapped the back of his car. He pulled over by the corner and got out of his car. We walked in a different direction down a busy street. He got back into his car and followed us. At this point we were quite nervous, would he beat me up? Melody was shocked that he would behave this way towards a family. What's more, he had his wife in the passenger seat with him. At one point he pulled over and yelled at me, but we kept walking; he couldn't find anywhere to park. We were eventually saved by the underground metro entrance, where he could no longer follow us. At that point I realised that Russians live a lot closer to the edge and that anything can tip them over. It was a valuable lesson to learn.

Recently on flights I have had people sit in front of me who have pushed their seats right back. On old Russian planes the seats are a bit wonky and they go back a lot further than you would be used to. Two flights ago, I asked a steward to help, but the man in front put his seat back every time the steward left. On the last flight, this happened with another man. I was quite incredulous as the man point blank ignored my requests to give me a little more space. I ended up having a big argument with him and telling him that no wonder foreigners think Russia is a rude country. I felt awful afterwards and realised that my unkind words didn't help anything at all. Sometimes I just reach cracking point. I guess other Russians must too. I hope that God works in me to help me react in all of these situations in love.

Ahhh, but it does get worse. You would have read my recent post complaining about Russian post. Hopefully you also read in the comments how my Russian friend confirmed the levels of corruption that exist here. My father also researched the penalties that exist in Australia, for tampering or with holding mail (this includes the public as well as employees): 10 years jail! I told this to my teacher and she laughed. Stealing from the mail is common here. She advised itemising everything with a cost, so that the money could be recovered on the spot if something is missing. I would advise the opposite, be extremely obscure in your description of a parcel; "dress, valued $30", is probably too tempting. So, what ever the case, we can be sure that corruption does exist in Russia, it just hasn't been officially confirmed. (By the way my friend works in the airline industry.)

[On the subject of bribes (connected to corruption) and whether they are acceptable. Long before soviet times, one Fyodor Dostoevsky sat the entrance exams for an engineering school in St Petersburg. He passed with flying colours, but was still denied a place. When he paid a bribe he was allowed entry. In my opinion he did nothing wrong. He paid for what was rightfully his anyway. If he had failed the test, that would have been a different thing. You can be sure that many did pay a bribe even though they failed the test.]

When Melody's brother Dan was here, we were walking home one evening around 6pm. A drunk guy tripped him up on the street. When Dan got back up he began to accuse Dan of saying bad things to him. This drunk guy was simply picking a fight. Melody and I told the guy that everything was ok, and that Dan had said nothing. The guy threw a punch, which we fended off (he was drunk, so it wasn't super fast); but then he put his hands around Dan's throat. So we dragged his hands off. At this point his mates tried talking him out of his behaviour, although they had not actually lifted a finger to help. If Dan had fought back, they would have switched sides against Dan. Dan, in his laid back nature, took it in his stride and said he wasn't worried. We were embarrassed and upset that this had happened to our brother and guest, and also dismayed to realise that this is where we live. I with held that story at the time, as I did not want relatives to worry. But, today, I am letting it all hang out.

Just this week, the icing on the ugly cake was deposited. Our young guest Jeremy went to explore by himself in the park. He finished taking his photos on a lovely day and came out at the other end of the park on to a busy street. There were people all around. Someone approached Jeremy and asked him in English for a little money. As I was not there I don't know the exact sequence of events. This 30 something cleanly dressed man wrestled Jeremy's wallet away while he sat on top of Jeremy on the ground. The assailant then jumped up and ran. Nobody, but nobody came to help Jeremy and there were people all around. Jeremy bravely ran after the assailant who pulled the money ($70) from Jeremy's wallet and then dropped it on the ground. So Jeremy escaped with his credit cards, camera and bones intact, but with his dignity severely injured. Very close to the scene of the crime Jeremy noticed some policemen. It turned out that one of them spoke a little English and that they took Jeremy home (very nice you might say?). But they refused to fill out a report. I also have my suspicions that they were among the crowd of onlookers who did nothing. Poor Jeremy came home quite distraught. He has recovered now, and has bravely got back on his feet, at the museum by himself this afternoon. Once again we were quite embarrassed, but also baffled at this turn of events.

Are you in disbelief? I hope you are, but I also hope you believe me. This is not Canada. People are not kind here all the time. People do not leave their cars unlocked. It just aint' pretty. So suspend your disbelief and please understand that life can suck here sometimes.

I'm still sick. Brucellosis is a nasty nut to crack. I have headaches and a fever (not too strong) every evening and aches in my arms and legs. Please continue to pray for my full recovery.

Well, there you have it. I think I have unloaded everything that was bugging me. Hope I didn't offend ya, but I did warn you. Thanks for being a friend, if you do understand.